Wednesday
I’m used to being confused. I had a whole year of walking around like I’m in a daze, not knowing what was going on for most of the time. But this Ambien has me beat. It was just like the first night. Dave takes me up to the bedroom and gets me ready for bed. Then he gives me my second Ambien and lies me down again. I’m making a special effort to watch myself, hoping to see Ambien do something to me, make me feel different in some way. And the next thing I know, I’m waking up in the morning. This is weird. Whatever this Ambien is going to do, it must need to build up slowly inside me. I read about some painkillers that only start to work when enough is in the blood.
But this is the same as yesterday. I can remember yesterday which, when I think about it is something new. Usually, I don’t know and don’t care what happened. Like it all kind of blurs together in a fog. But perhaps this is what Ambien does — kind of works on your memory.
Mike came round again and got this machine to link up to the internet. Then he’s busy showing me round the new website. He’s just like a little kid with a new toy. But it’s kind of fun to see my Ambien pieces up on the internet. I’m like a published author. Mike is full of enthusiasm, makes me like proud of myself for the first time in a long time. Ambien is having an effect, but it’s on other people not me.
Then he takes me down to the mall for a burger. He’s saying I must get into a new routine. Do everything at the same time. I ask him whether this is something to do with Ambien and he gives me a look. He says Ambien can’t do everything itself.
Well, that’s not news to me. I haven’t seen it do anything at all.
He says Ambien can only start me down the right track but I have to keep on walking it. I’m all confused again. Since I don’t know what Ambien is supposed to be doing, I don’t know what this track of his is. He goes off to get a refill at the free-flow Coke. When he gets back, he starts talking about how my life fell apart a year and more ago. No-one’s exactly sure what went wrong, but it seems I got into bad habits like not sleeping when I was supposed to. He says I’ve got to learn to sleep like regular people again. And that’s where Ambien comes in.
Ambien’s going to give me some good nights of sleep to start me off. But I can’t take it for too long. So I’ve to stop napping during the day. I’ve to aim to be in bed at the same time every night and relearn what I did as a kid — learn to sleep through till morning all on my own.
He says I’m already looking and sounding better thanks to Ambien and two nights of good sleep. Now it’s going to take team work to get me the rest of the way.
Tags: Ambien